Hiatus Be Gone

OKAY. No more dilly-dallying, no more excuses, no more hiatus. I’m baaaaaack! However, I have decided not to hold myself to any kind of schedule for right now. I don’t want another month-long absence, but I think telling myself I had to post once a week was making me avoid it, especially in weeks of high stress or when I just didn’t know what to say. I actually did draft a post on Halloween, but it’s rambling and pointless and I think served more of the purpose of decluttering mah brains rather than produce actual publishable content. Either way, I’m here now, so, that’s cool.

October flew by, meaning hubs has now been gone a month and I got to dress M up as Wonder Woman while we hung out at home and ate the candy one of our awesome neighbors left for me. The month also brought me more thoroughly back into running. I’ve been trying to go twice a week, and I’ve had some big accomplishments, like running five strollerless miles nonstop, and running my fastest stroller 5k yet at 36m 40s. I have further managed to add a new injury to my ever-healing body—de Quervain’s tenosynovitis, aka “Mommy Thumb”—which is preventing the overuse of my right wrist (no heavy dumbbells, no pushups, etc), and speaking of Mommy things, my own Momma Bear came to visit and it was so good to see her and hug her and watch her play with baby girl and just have grown-up company again.

There were also two milestones of 10.

I’ve written a bit about my several years of poor life choices and near-life-wreckage, but what I haven’t mentioned specifically is that all of the chaos ended with formal sobriety on October 22, 2007, and I’ve maintained it ever since. So, on October 22 this year, I celebrated a decade of sobriety. I have a beautiful life today, and even though I don’t attend 12-step meetings or do what a lot of my sober friends still do, I am very successful at not drinking or using any substances, and I try very hard to not be a havoc-wreaking mess of a girl these day.

The second milestone? TWO sacks of potatoes! That’s right my friends, 10 whole pounds lost. **It was 10.6 at the time of this first draft, but now it’s actually 11.8!** In the featured image above, the top row was from Aug 2, and the bottom is Nov 12. I’m now 180.2, I’ve worked long and hard to get here, and now that I’m 0.3 lbs away from being in a new number bracket (is there a better word for that? tax brackets are for income ranges, so…weight bracket? for weight ranges?), I’m more motivated than ever.

So now that you’re caught up on last month, let’s talk about what’s going on now. For one, I recently learned about something called NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Apparently it’s every November, and writers from the newest amateur to the most experienced novelist decide to dedicate 30 days to writing a first draft of a 50,000-word novel (or 1,667 words per day). For some godforsaken reason, I thought it might be fun to try, and while I have already failed miserably because new mom and sore wrist and time change that made me feel like I was dying a horrible fatigue-ridden death, I have started what might end up being an actual book someday.

Ya see, there was a movement that went around recently that many of you may have seen—#metoo. It was a way for women to identify themselves as having experienced sexual harassment or assault, and my newsfeed was flooded, as were those of pretty much everyone I know. I even posted my own #metoo, not with any details, but simply expressing my inclusion. That movement plus NaNoWriMo, combined with the things that cross my mind when I look at my baby girl, got me thinking about all the experiences I’ve had in my life that have molded me into who I am today. I’m not just talking about the bad ones, but the good stuff too, like watching my nanny play these two certain songs on the piano over and over and over again, stopping and restarting every time she made a mistake, and how that led to me taking lessons for eight years, which later led to me composing music and entering a songwriting contest just a few years ago. And of course there are shitty memories, like my #metoo moments and being mercilessly teased for my weight all through elementary school, but there are also negatives that led to really positive outlooks. For example, the day I realized that my inner thighs that I hated so much have touched every single day of my entire life—literally—so I’ve spent many long, painful years trying to change something that will quite likely never change, and that all the self-judgement I weighed myself down with was because of what I thought I “should” look like, instead of who I am. I know I’m kinda running away with this right now, but I mean think about your own lives—are there not a hundred little memories that you think about all the time? Are there not defining moments that, whether you realized it at the time or not, were ones that would forever change your shape, even if only a little? My mind is filled with those moments, and I think—I hope—that by laying them all out in some kind of rough chronological order, they might provide some insight, some relatability, some point of identification for other women out there who have been molded too. And of course, I know the mens out there have had their own defining experiences, but as I have no penis, I will be sticking with the ladies on this one.

I’m gonna keep working on the book a little at a time, as my life permits, and I hope I can stay motivated enough to see it through to the end. It’s kind of a huge undertaking, but if I get the first draft done and stop my inner editor from trying to perfect everything the first go-round, I think I’ll be good to go. In the meantime I will also be continuing to run and keep up with my new home kickboxing workouts, and I get to experience my first attempt at air travel with the child later this week, so pray for us. Florida for a few days and then a quick turnaround to see hubs for Turkey Day (which should be extra fun now that minion is eating big girl foods)—gobble, gobble!

Have a lovely start of November, my fellow humans. I’ll be back in a couple weeks!